Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Future Facebook Status Updates

atheist \'a-the-ist\ n. - a person who has actually read the Bible

Just to be clear: you're not stupid, your religion is.

I'm really condescending when I'm high, you pissants.

Attention Indiana Drivers:
SIGNAL and make sure the other lane is clear BEFORE you start to change lanes

Attention Retail Managers:
Don't train your employees to be upbeat and enthusiastic, spewing off with a stupid grin every single sale or promotion you're doing. I AVOID THOSE STORES.

Attention Republicans:
Not everyone is motivated solely by the acquisition of wealth. We are not Ferengi.

Attention Creationists:
It's over. Shut the fuck up.

I think the movie War Games contains the most accurate representation of hacking in cinema. Therefore I approve of this film.

Love is a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

QED bitches!

Man, I get a lot of references.

Please nobody like or comment on this status.

If you're not my Facebook friend, you're not really my friend.

Good band name: Shopping Cart Avalanche

Tequila is Spanish for "you don't get to decide when you fall asleep"

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